It’s been a while since my last post and I haven’t really gone on many dates since. I’m a bit burnt out and this next story was a big reason I took a break.
I haven’t had much success in online dating. I’ve found that while profiles and emails may help you filter incompatibilities, you still can’t decipher how much of what the person is telling you is based on what they think you want to hear.
Once again, I meet a man I met through an online dating site for dinner. My first mistake was that I should have stuck to my rule of coffee and can’t remember why I agreed to dinner.
Anyway, I arrive at a local Mexican restaurant and find my date sitting at the bar two-drinks into his evening. We ask for a table and he orders another drink for himself and one for me as we start the “get-to-know-you” conversation. Over the course of about two hours, he ordered at least four more drinks and things began to deteriorate more with each drink.
About an hour into the date, my date was drunk. He began talking about his ex-wife and described her as psychopathic liar. You would think people would realize trashing an ex isn’t attractive. I realize alcohol reduces inhibitions, but that is no excuse.
As he wrapped up his tirade about his ex-wife, he began to focus his attention back on me. He said that we exchanged a few emails several months ago, but that our conversation fizzled. I indicated that I didn’t recall us exchanging emails and apologized for my memory gap. From here he told me how he was prepared to not like me, but was pleasantly surprised.
At this time, I am a bit stunned. I should have excused myself at this time. (My second mistake was staying as long as I did.)
Next thing I knew, he takes my hand in his hand, caresses it and tells me how he “gets me” and that “he so gets me it’s like he is inside me”! I’m not a touchy-feely person – especially with someone I don’t know, so I am uncomfortable with him holding my hand and his comment was unsettling too.
I tell him I am not a touchy-feely person and pull my hand back as he progresses on to his next rant. He then goes on to tell me how much he likes me and how he is surprised we are here having dinner together because “there are so many forces conspiring
against us and trying to keep us apart.” I have no idea what these forces are and decide it is best not to ask. (Again, I should have left at this point.)
He grabs my hand once again and this time he starts to kiss it as well. He then tells me that he loves me and would throw his body on a grenade for me. (What???!!!??? Remember, this is a first meeting.) Once again, I pull my hand back and thank him for his courage to express his emotions, but that it takes me more time to care about a person.
He ignores what I have said and continues to tell me how he loves me and feels this deep connection. At this point, I am feeling very anxious and don’t want to make him angry because he is not sober and potentially not sane.
I again thank him for his courage in expressing his emotions, start to stand up and tell him I need to head home. He surprises me by asking if he can come with me and says that he never wants to be without me. I tell him that he can’t come with me and that I am indeed heading home – that’s when I realize my car is parked behind the restaurant in a dark parking lot where I have to walk out and around the building.
I walk hurriedly, but with confidence back to my car – hoping the whole time that he isn’t following me. (My third mistake was not bringing mace with me or asking the restaurant for an escort to my car.) I make it to my car and book it out of the parking lot as quickly as I could!
The next day I send an email saying that I wasn’t comfortable with his level of drinking. I also say that he scared me and that I couldn’t move forward or go back. He tells me there was a good reason he was drinking that evening and then asks if we can still be friends. (Hell no!!!! I might end up dead or beat up.)
So, my dating sabbatical continues. I don’t have the energy to invest in crazy dates.